Have You Ever Experienced This?
You really want to relax, but your body and mind feel as if they’re being pulled by an invisible string, never truly letting go. Just when you’re about to enter a relaxed state, a harsh voice suddenly pops up in your head:
“You can’t keep relaxing! If you cross this line, you won’t be able to react in time when danger comes!”
And just like that, the fleeting moment of ease is forcefully snapped back—like a ping-pong ball hitting a paddle—so fast that you don’t even have time to think.
What Is This Voice That “Stops You from Relaxing”?
Many of us have experienced something similar. If we take a moment to observe that rebound moment, we might realize that our brain is actually trying to protect us. It acts like an over-vigilant guard, terrified that if we let our guard down, something bad will happen. So it keeps sending out warnings:
“You can’t keep doing this! If you keep going, you’ll die!”
“You can’t relax—this place isn’t safe!”
“Keep moving, don’t stop! There’s no time!”
Along with these warnings come anxiety, tension, and a deep sense of insecurity—as if the moment we relax, disaster will strike.
But Are These Voices Really Telling the Truth?
An outdated “survival program” is still controlling you.
Most of these warnings are actually survival strategies implanted in us from the past. For example:
• As a child, you had to be constantly alert to your parents’ emotions to avoid being scolded.
• You once had to work tirelessly for approval, feeling that any moment of relaxation meant failure.
• You grew up in an unstable environment where your subconscious equated relaxation with danger.
These strategies may have once protected us, but now, our brain is like an outdated antivirus program, still scanning the present environment using old settings. Even though we are now safe, it keeps popping up “DANGER! DANGER!” with false alarms.
How Can We Learn to Relax Again?
We can’t simply delete these old programs, but we can learn to coexist with them and gradually build a new sense of safety.
1. Practice “Crossing the Line” in a Safe Environment
Try allowing yourself to momentarily cross that invisible line in a truly safe space—like at home with the doors locked, or around trusted friends. Observe how your body feels when you relax: How does your heartbeat change? How does your breathing feel? Gently remind yourself:
“There is no danger here. I can allow myself to be at ease.”
2. Talk to the “Warning Voice”
When your brain shouts, “You can’t relax!” don’t fight it. Instead, ask gently:
“What is this voice afraid of?”
“Do I still need to be this alert?”
You might realize that this voice belongs to a past version of you—one that needed to be cautious back then. But the present you has the ability to protect yourself now.
3. Rebuild Your Trust in the World
At its core, relaxation is about trust—trusting your environment, yourself, and others.
• Trust in the warmth of the sun, the scent of the earth after rain, the aroma of your favorite food.
• Trust in your own ability to handle challenges, knowing that even if you fail, you can start again.
• Trust in the goodwill of others, recognizing that a few unpleasant interactions don’t define everyone.
True security is the belief that “Even if I don’t control everything, I can still handle what comes.”
We may never fully eliminate our inner alarm system, but we can adjust its sensitivity. Like a lifeguard at the beach—alert yet still able to enjoy the sunshine.
Relaxation isn’t about giving up your defenses. It’s about choosing:
“In this moment, I am safe.”
Gentle Reminder:
This article is meant for self-exploration and is not a diagnostic guideline. If you encounter challenges that feel too difficult to overcome alone, consider seeking support from a professional coach. Additionally, if these experiences are significantly impacting your well-being, consulting a doctor or therapist may be beneficial.
