“I don’t even know what I’m interested in. It feels like I want everything and nothing at the same time, drifting aimlessly through each day. What do I truly love? Why do other people’s lives seem so vibrant? They know what they’re passionate about, and with their boundless energy, they turn their passion into awe-inspiring creations.”
Most of us go through a phase where we desperately try to live up to the expectations of others—our parents, relatives, friends, teachers. Whether consciously or unconsciously, people around us, even strangers, project their expectations onto us. We try to fulfill one person’s vision while simultaneously going against another’s:
“I want to be the responsible, well-behaved child my parents expect me to be.”
“But I also want to be unique and unconventional in the eyes of my friends.”
“And I want to embody the ultimate personal freedom that social media celebrates.”
At some point, we realize we’ve unknowingly become puppets, tangled in the strings of others’ expectations.
Psychology’s “Looking-Glass Self” theory suggests that we shape our self-perception based on how others see us. But when we rely too heavily on this reflection, we create a “false self“—like my client Luna, who insisted on wearing floral dresses even though she loved cargo pants. All because her mother once told her, “A girl should look like a girl.” And so, her true preferences were locked away in the depths of her wardrobe.
In our pursuit to satisfy every expectation, we unknowingly trigger a deeper crisis:
We feel inspired after reading The Courage to Be Disliked, yet lose sleep over a colleague’s negative feedback.
We save every minimalist lifestyle video, yet still clear our shopping cart on Black Friday.
We like posts about women’s independence, yet, on a family call, we blurt out, “I’ll definitely bring someone home next year!”
This inner conflict eventually leads us to a modern existential void. When we realize that all the so-called “life guidelines” contradict each other, we suddenly see the emperor has no clothes:
Filial piety and freedom can’t always coexist.
Stability and passion naturally repel each other.
Fitting in and standing out require a double life.
And so, nihilism creeps in: “If all values are human-made, why even try?”
But what truly destroys us is not the absence of meaning—it’s the blind conformity we never questioned.
Those who live with inner harmony are not the ones who completely reject expectations but the ones who develop a filtering mechanism for them.
Start paying conscious attention to every thought, every motivation behind your actions, every emotional reaction. Ask yourself:
Who am I?
Why did this thought or emotion arise?
Is it a conditioned response from my past, or a belief I was trained to adopt at some stage?
When we understand ourselves deeply, we gain the power to make choices that truly align with us—our own choices. Once we stop letting external noise hijack our decisions, we finally reclaim our freedom.
Slow down. Reflect. Make deliberate choices. Eventually, you will rediscover your passion and build a life that is truly yours.
Perhaps real growth isn’t about rebelling against every expectation, but about cultivating the wisdom to treat them like subtitles on a screen—something you can consider, but not a script you must follow.
When we stop measuring our lives by someone else’s ruler, the life force we once suppressed will bloom in ways we never imagined.
🌸 In this moment, try whispering to that long-standing expectation that has been weighing on you:
“Thank you for your concern, but this time, I choose to listen to myself.”
A Gentle Reminder
If you encounter significant roadblocks during this process, consider seeking help from a professional coach. Additionally, if your situation is severe, it is advisable to consult a doctor or therapist for professional guidance.
